Man, this list made me depressed. Know why? Because as long as I live, I'll never meet anybody cooler to drink with than some of my favorite video game characters. And chances are, neither will you. When will you clear out a goblin's nest and celebrate in a tavern with any of your friends? Or better yet, drink and kill goblins at the same time? Not going to happen, my friends.
But a guy can dream, can't we? That's why I put this list together in honor of the boys and girls of video gaming I'd love to share a brew with, whether in celebration of a quest well done or just fueling up on liquid courage for demon-slaying ahead. With drinking buddies like these, I'd say yes to anything. Anything.
THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.
5. Nate and Sully
Uncharted Series
Nathan Drake and Victor Sullivan. Globe-trotting, swashbuckling, world-saving treasure hunters extraordinaire. If you're ever lucky enough to sit down with these two over a couple of cold ones, you're either planning the heist of the century of having a toast for the adventure of your lives.
And when things get hairy with the locals, boy do these fellas know their way around a bar fight. The first scene of Uncharted 3 features this scrappy pair in an epic bar brawl against pub full of London thugs. Well-used to fighting against impossible odds, these two lovable scoundrels are always up their eyeballs in adventure.
4. Gray
Bulletstorm
How would any of you like to party with a space pirate?
Captain Grayson Hunt always pairs his drink with mayhem and mass carnage. He doesn't just get drunk before and/or after carving his way through a planet's-worth of bloodthirsty psychos; he'll toss back a few during. He's the kind of guy who enjoys the challenge of committing genocide while impaired.
If he sounds too intense to have a good time with without getting slaughtered, don't worry about it: under Gray's grizzled, violent exterior beats the heart of a man who cares deeply about his friends. He'll watch your back to hell and back, or at least let you borrow a neat gun. Murdering's always better with friends, after all. And lots of space booze.
3. Darunia
The Legend of Zelda series
That rock-hard barrel of awesome up there is one of the original video game party animals: Big Brother Darunia, Boss of the Gorons and King of all Dad Bods.
Since he's from a mostly E-Rated series there's only so much drinking and debauchery he can get away with on screen, but just look at that grinning mug of his; that's the face of a man who'll drain a few barrels of Hyrule beer and go smash a dragon's skull in as a weekend hobby. But the best part about Darunia isn't his own strength; brotherhood and friendship are pretty much his theme, for life. He's always looking out for others, making sure his people are safe and happy. He's a fantastic guy all around. I'm just not sure I could keep up with him.
2. Uncle Pey'j
Beyond Good and Evil
For those of you who don't remember the cult masterpiece that is Beyond Good and Evil, that crazy flying pig-man up there is the first and greatest sidekick in the game, good old Uncle Pey'j. That's him leaping through a third-story window to butt-slam an alien.
He's got boisterous personality, a mysterious space-outlaw past, he's a genius inventor and mechanic, and the branch leader of an inter-galactic rebel organization. But even as Chief of the Hillyan IRIS Network, he'll still a fun guy to hang around. He'll go treasure-hunting, he'll go hovercraft racing, he'll go alien-fighting, cop fighting, monster fighting, robot fighting, any kind of fighting from here to across the universe. And he'll definitely take a load off with you at the Akuda Bar downtown. No matter what happens, Uncle Pey'j will have your back. I love this guy this so much.
1. Ayla
Chrono Trigger
Surprised that a girl beat out all those manly party-boys on this list? Don't be: Ayla is so bro-tastic she puts them all to shame.
Let me set the stage here: you and your party warp back to 65 Million B.C., and the first thing you see is a statuesque blonde cave girl pummeling a pack of velociraptor mutants with her bare hands. When the dust clears, she immediately throws a huge cave party in your honor, complete with crazy dancing, giant prehistoric grillables, and suspiciously intoxicating "soup". We see her drain about eight man-sized bowls of it.
Afterwards she spends all day helping you partially dismantle an evil dinosaur empire by--you guessed it--beating up more dinosaurs. Then she goes back to her village presumably to party some more. And tomorrow: more dinosaur ass-kicking.
That is her life, ladies and gentlemen. An endless cycle of having awesome cave feasts, killing dinosaurs, and repeat. She's a wild Triassic bombshell. She's a walking extinction event. She parties big, fights big, and she's got a big heart for friend and foe alike. She does nothing, absolutely nothing, halfway or halfhearted. She is generosity, courage, and adventure personified. In other words, the perfect drinking buddy.
I think I'm in love.
Runner-Ups
Pigsy, from Enslaved: Odyssey to the West
Conker the Squirrel, from Conker's Bad Fur Day
Augus, from Asura's Wrath
The Iron Bull, from Dragon Age: Inquisition
Zeke Dunbar, from Infamous 1 & 2
Sergeant Johnson, from the Halo series
Published: Jun 24, 2015 05:42 pm