Dear Gamer Santa: Give Me Stuff (Because Why Not)

Hello there, Gamer Santa! I’m quite sure you know who I am, so I’ll cut to the chase: I want items in return for my being a less-than-terrible person this year. Yes, I’m edging near 30 and I could buy things on my own, but getting things for free is more fun.

So here’s what I want, you big tub o’ cheer:

• 1 Unopened HST-0022 “Skeleton” Sega Saturn console with box.
• 1 Unopened copy of the NTSC version of Panzer Dragoon Saga.
• 1 50 or so inch CRT television, like new please (no distortion).
• My copies of Xenogears, Tales of Eternia, and Persona 2 that I sold 4 years ago to avoid eviction.
• Go ahead and somehow get those 114 PS2 games I sold back during that period as well (All of My Regret: The Year).
• Oh, and replace the copies of Seiken Densetsu 3, Chrono Trigger, and Final Fantasy V I sold during that same period, but in mint unopened condition.
• New hind legs for my younger dog, Delita. Just conjure them or something and put them in a cooler filled with ice. I’ll handle it from there.
• Friends who play something other than MOBAs and won’t quit an MMO after three weeks.
• Give me a fat booty. You can do that, right? Maybe I got confused, I just ran with assuming you could conjure stuff. You can, right? Sure you can, you a magic man.
• A magic refrigerator that automatically replenishes its supplies of lightly sweetened tea, fish of all edible kinds, high-end steaks, and gourmet dog food. And vegetables, I guess.
• A personal chef that specializes in Vietnamese cuisine that I don’t have to pay for ever.

Is that all too much? Well deal with it, buddy. That’s the list and I’m not changing it. I could deal with half of the list, but you better carefully consider the combination of gifts you intend to give me.

Oh, and make Capcom make new (not money-grubbing and actually good) sequels to the following fighting games:

• Darkstalkers
• Rival Schools
• Tech Romancer
• Power Stone
• Pocket Fighter
  

.. and Shenmue 3 and Yakuza 5 from Sega. And a new Jet Set Radio. Thanks. (I’ve got my eye on you, fat man.)