Do you live in an apartment with an upstairs neighbor who dances every night in clogs at 3 in the morning? Or perhaps you're a home owner who just recently found out your house is haunted?
Regardless of your problem, it's not so bad! Trust me! It could be a lot worse. You could be a resident of these fictional video game towns.
Image source: Nintendo Nerds
Megaton (Fallout 3)
So you're living in the post-apocalyptic wastelands of Washington, D.C. which already provides for less than favorable living conditions. You think to yourself, "Maybe there's a nice town somewhere where I can feel safe away from the mutants roaming the lands." So, you move to Megaton. It's certainly a small-knit community with shacks crammed close together allowing for minimal privacy. You can live with that.
Then you notice the giant atom bomb sitting right in the middle of the town. Your neighbors inform you that Sheriff Simms has it covered, he's getting a Vault Dweller to disarm it. You might feel a sense of relief until you remember how Vault Dwellers usually have frequent morality crises for the sake of a few bottle caps.
Maybe getting a place in the Ghoul community was a better idea after all.
Image source: Gamefaqs
Silent Hill (Silent Hill series)
Face it, if you're in the town of Silent Hill, you're likely some crazy looking monster or someone facing their own internal demons. Regardless, I hope you enjoy fog, lots of fog.
However, don't forget the excellent night-life Silent Hill has to offer! Once the siren sounds, the town truly comes to life. Every part of the town melts away revealing its hellish underbelly with tons of rusted gates and demonic imagery for decor!
If you move quickly, maybe you can share a sweet two-bedroom condo overlooking the amusement park with famous local, Pyramid Head!
Image source: Guide 2 Games
Raccoon City (Resident Evil series)
Before 1998, Raccoon City could have been a very happening place. Perhaps it had a great music scene or maybe had a reputation as a party town. However, after 1998, the entire city died. Literally!
Yes, the zombie outbreak during the events of Resident Evil 2 did not do this city much favors. Undead citizens roamed the streets taking over the town for themselves.
In fact, not much stands of Raccoon City today. It was vaporized by a nuclear missile in Resident Evil 3 in an attempt to clear out the undead.
Hey, at least rent is probably cheap!
City 17 (Half Life 2)
Do you love the architecture and landscapes of Eastern Europe? It's quite breathtaking isn't it? Then, City 17 is just for you!
Of course, there are some very minor issues. First of all, you'll likely be harassed and possibly beaten up by the Combine, the city's police force. But if that really upsets you, you can always risk your life and rise up against them with the other citizens!
Face it. It's either this or getting your head munched on by a Head Crab. I think you'll decide this is the better option!
Image source: Weesk
Your Village (Animal Crossing series)
City life, not for you? Then you'll definitely want to hop that train or take a cab to start a new life in a quaint little village. Of course, the village is filled with animals. But who doesn't love animals, right?
Once you arrive, just speak to Tom Nook. He'll set you up with your own home, setting you on the path towards massive debt. Once you pay off your debt, don't worry, Nook will lure you into more by forcing you to upgrade your home!
Also, your animal neighbors might need a few things from time to time. It's just a few odds and ends like a piece of fruit from a tree or a very specific and rare fish from the local river.
It's the perfect place for fine small town living!
Image source: Animal Crossing Wikia
Everywhere (Katamari Damacy series)
If you like color and have a square-shaped head, then taking residence in one of the cities featured in Katamari Damacy will work well for you.
On first glance, you might think the citizens of these cities are messy. I mean, their items are just thrown about anywhere and everywhere. But, no! They just like to make sure everything has its own space.
In addition, the cities are safe! There is no need to worry about hurricanes or earthquakes... oh that? Yeah, that's just a giant ball of random crap and people coming our way. Don't mind that, I'm sure he won't come this way.
Image source: Auscillate
Mother Base (Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain)
If you arrived safely at Mother Base, then good for you! Sometimes when people are forcefully relocated here, the balloon attached to their unconscious body can often be damaged during inclement weather leaving them stranded at sea. You are one of the lucky ones!
If you still are unsure about wanting to live at Mother Base, Kaz and Ocelot will beat you senselessly until you can't even remember your own name! After you have sworn duty to some guy called Big Boss, you will be forced to work on such awesome and exciting projects such as developing the perfect cardboard box.
There are bonuses to living at Mother Base, too. During down time, you can creepily watch Quiet take a shower.
Image source: Metal Gear Solid Wikia
Rapture (Bioshock series)
It's easy to get to Rapture. Just go to that lighthouse in that ocean and hop into the submersible. Make sure to look through the window to take in all of Rapture beauty before you enter the city. Because it all goes down hill from there!
Of course, Rapture probably once was a really cool place to live. It really seemed like a happening place filled with rich socialites and amazing decor. But you know, times can be hard and people can so easily nowadays get addicted to ADAM, causing them to rip each other apart.
Yeah, Rapture has a little trouble, but I definitely think it can make a turnaround.
Would you so kindly sign the lease?
Image source: Bioshock Wikia
Lordran (Dark Souls series)
There is certainly lots of variety to Lordran. You have dark and dank, even more dark and dank, and SUPER dark and dank!
But don't worry, Lordran is pretty safe. There aren't many dangerous things around here-
Oh you're dead, already? Just wander your soul back here, pick up all your orbs, and start again!
Image source: Kanobu.net
Spira (Final Fantasy X)
Now you can't possibly go wrong with Spira. I mean, look at their view! Absolutely breathtaking, isn't it?
Too bad a giant, hulking monster comes every so often and wipes out entire cities of people!
Did I say that out loud? Whoops!
Image source: Final Fantasy Wikia
Sera (Gears of War series)
I hope you like to live EXTREME because that's what you will be doing a lot of in Sera.
If you're worried about the giant lizard men, don't worry! The COGs have it taken care of! Of course, they sometimes screw up and their Resonators don't exactly resonate, but they really do try hard!
But for your EXTREME side, Sera has the most EXTREME weather! Instead of getting golf ball sized hail like on sissy little Earth, Sera gets RAZOR HAIL! It's like Earth's hail but only like 100% more EXTREME and I'm assuming it hurts like hail (get it?).
Image source: Gears of War Wikia
Don't leave yet! Berserker promises it will take care of your cat while you're on vacation!
Have anything to add? Did I leave out one of gaming's finest crap holes? Feel free to let me know in the comments.
All insults and mindless ramblings will be handled by the Berserker.
Image source: Giant Bomb
Published: Sep 15, 2015 06:29 am