So we’ve all been there, playing one of our favourite games only to be assaulted by the cheesiest scene imaginable. So let me introduce the Camembert of cut scenes, the Stilton of cinematics and the Gouda of graphics.
Number 7: Need for Speed: Most Wanted (2005) – FIVE GRAND!
From the attempt at gangsta hand signals to the wooden expressions on the actors’ faces there is a cornucopia of things to pick up on that is purely cheese. Well they try hard, but surely if they had taken five grand (FIVE GRAND!) to any LA restaurant they could have found some struggling actors who could have done a better job, or at least catered.
Oh well, this along with many of the other scenes in the Need for Speed Universe are just needing some bread to make it a full on 80’s style fondue feast.
Number 6: Street Fighter 4 (2008): Dan’s prologue
Dan is the biggest douchebag in the Street Fighter world; he’s arrogant, stupid and frankly a joke (character). This Ryu and Ken wannabe just can’t compete. “Just watch me father!” err, no thanks, Dan.
Number 5: Devil May Cry (2001) – Fill Your Dark Soul with Liiiiiiiiight!!!!!!
So bad they named an achievement after it! The horrible voice acting alone is worth it being a part of this list, however it is the stellar Meme’s it has created, my favourite being “I should have been the one to quench your thirst with SPRIIIIIITEEEEE!” but frankly I love it for the thinly veiled sex reference.
Now I’m off to go read TWIIIIIILIIIIIGHT! Only kidding, I’d never do that.
Number 4: Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon (1993) – every cut scene in the entire game
This gem of a scene is from 1993 is the badly drawn CD-I Zelda game. And, oh, where to start; from the animation that looks like a child with a broken arm drew it (yes I realise it’s 20 years old), to the excessive hand waving (it’s like former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair taught them to talk), there is 8:46 minutes of scenic heaven here.
Forget the side scrolling game, just watch this instead. Enjoy wonderous questions such as why that shopkeeper from the second scene has not been arrested for some kind of sex crime?
Actually, do play the game, the graphics are better.
Number 3: Metal Gear Solid 2 (2002) – Snake/Otacon Handshake scene
It’s not just the handshake (Konami code style, if you didn’t notice) that makes this supposed-to-be touching scene so cheesy, in fact there’s almost too much to choose from.
The slow-mo, action movie style turn-and-walk (just add explosions), Snakes “only YOU can save everybody” speech to Otacon, to the parrot picking the perfect moment to cause poor old Otacon to break down in floods of cheese. Sorry, I mean tears.
The list of cheesy moments in this game is almost as long as all of the games cut scenes put together, but this particular scene always stands out in my mind as the cheesiest.
Number 2: Mortal Kombat Mythologies (1997) – Sub-Zero.
This Power Rangers–esque extra dramatic live action scene is truly fabulous – it looks like the illegitimate son of a 70’s kung fu movie and anything on the sci-fi channel today. With funky primary colored air freshener face masks.
Number 1: Resident Evil (1996) – Opening Scene
Oh, where to start? Wesker’s hair, “JOSPEH!” or maybe the eyeball dangling from the zombie dog’s head. You could almost put this scene on toast. And the best thing about it is that the fromage just keeps on coming (Who could forget “DON’T OPEN!! THAT DOOR!!!”, or “You where almost a Jill Sandwich”), but absolutely nothing in the game can top the opening scene. And that’s some tough competition. After all it includes Barry hoping that the sinister stain in the dining room is “not CHRIS’ BLOOD!”
Honorable Mention: Space Pirates (1994) – Trailer
There are not words to explain how amazing this is. Go watch, I’ll wait.
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You’re welcome!
Published: Jul 12, 2013 02:13 pm