Sonic Generations: Silver Surfer Level Punishment, a Family Game!

For a long time now Sonic has been gracing the world with his 90’s cool kid acting and spiny amped up legs; but Sega decided a while ago that Sonic Generations should launch. November 1^st 2011, this bombshell came out. Now, as much as I may think it’s a horrid, insipid slap to the face for Sonic fans, I think I can etch out a reason it might be played together at family time.

Amazon calls it ‘family friendly fun,’ Here’s why:

It’s Rated E for EVERYONE

Seriously. The game even has Sonic’s younger self and Sonic the elder playing together in perfect dissonance. There’s the same cutesy things going on, and Sonic never really ‘kills’ anyone. There’s pretty maps, and a return of all the old characters that disappeared from the Sonic games of the last few years.

There’s nothing quite like a pink urchin of a hedgehog making fun of one’s children…

It Teaches Family Bonding

The game follows both young and old Sonic through their old haunts; one map from each of the old games is revamped and stuck into Generations to play through. Sonic and younger Sonic (Oddly father son like…) must adventure together through both 2-D/3-D maps; which brings me to my next point:

It’s Great for Disciplining Children

The 2-D/3-D transition is wild, yo’. One moment old style classic punch-you-in-the nether gameplay is going on; and the next, Sonic is wildly trying to figure out what vectors are whilst sliding along strangely friction less ground in three dimensional motion.

Your children will love you forever if you force them to try to beat the game with any semblance of a high score – after all, who minds failing 259 times just to beat the boss? It teaches commitment and determination! Oh, and even, hand-eye coordination. 

All in all, it’s not that bad. Sure there’s the developer circlejerk of “LET’S RERELEASE CONTENT AND CALL IT NEW” and “3D IS ALWAYS BETTER” Which, I mean, come on. That’s like from the 90’s guys. Get it together.

If you want to sit down and have a good laugh at your kids, and you’ve already taught your kids it’s okay to laugh at one another; so be it. Enjoy yourself. Many a missile, spike trap, and fall from a high wire is guaranteed to spice up family life.